Hurt People Hurt People

Just in case that grammar is tripping you up, the essence of this idea is that people who have been hurt often go on to hurt others.  In some ways, it's statistics.  People who grow up in homes with abuse are more likely to be part of an abusive home as an adult.  People who grow up in violence are more likely to become violent.

In some ways, it kind of boils down to a sentiment that my mother expressed when I was younger (and maybe yours did, too) about how the mean kids were only mean because they felt bad about themselves.

I don't believe people are mean for no reason.  There are very few people whose brain chemistries are so severe that no matter the health of their environments, they will become violent or cruel.  Most of us, while we may have some genetics involved, learn our behaviors from those around us.  Some of us repeat behaviors we see and others of us may behave in opposite ways.  Some people want to be just like their mother and some people want to be nothing like their mother, right?

None of us happen in a vacuum.  When I behave in ways I later regret, it's always rooted in something.  In fact, most of the people whom history lifts up (or down?) as horrible people thought they were doing something good or participating in a necessary evil that would ultimately create a better world.

I often tell people that I like difficult personalities.  It's true.  I have noticed, in life, that the folks that many people find abrasive, rude, or perhaps just "super weird," are people I quite enjoy.  I think this is because these people tend to have deep, interesting stories.  They have survived things, seen things, and deal with a well of feelings (though not always well).  Maybe you have one of "those friends" that not everyone gets, but that holds a tender spot in your heart.

Today I'm grateful for the ways that I am kind.  I'm grateful for the people who contributed to the better parts of me and will try to forgive myself for the ways I am not perfect.  There are reasons.  Those reasons don't excuse me, but they challenge me to understand them and rise above them-- to break whatever cycles are not worth repeating.  I'm grateful for the "difficult personalities" that allow me to practice this forgiveness and empathy, to better understand how we form, grow, and love.  May I always try to remember that nothing is created or destroyed-- when someone hurts others, that hurt has come from somewhere and they have not yet been able to transform it.

Let's break cycles that should not be repeated and transform our own hurts into ways we can understand others and offer healing, love, and transformation.

It's how we create the world.