My Grandfather

currently reading: The Road to Character by David Brooks

My grandfather was the most devout man I have ever met.  His faith touched every small piece of his life in a way that was simple and beautiful.  Grandpa had an unparalleled work ethic, unshakeable faith, and a very simple lifestyle.  I think he would like David Brooks’ book and I think Brooks would like my grandpa.  

While I think that my grandfather embodied many of the values that Brooks articulates, I like to say that one of the things that made my grandfather remarkable was that he was good at loving.  Love is a common theme in The Road to Character.  It is something that drives us forward compassionately and is stronger than death.  I often think that my failures of character can be seen as failures to love well.  When I think of abusive behaviors, violence, selfishness, and other ways that people show poor character, I can also see those acts as failure to love well.

I am reminded of a man I knew who could have been a better father to his children.  When one of his daughters died, I was angry at him; she was mentally and emotionally unwell and I wanted to assign him some blame for that.  As time went by, I realized that this man visited his daughter’s grave every day.  He watered it; he laid new sod; he was meticulous.  After I spoke to him for a bit one day in the cemetery where she is buried, I couldn’t feel angry anymore because I realized how deeply he loved his daughter, despite his failures to live up to that love.  

When I think about love this way and about my character as being rooted in love, it seems clearer to me that developing my ability to love well-- in ways that manifest in my life and in the lives of others in concrete, felt ways-- is developing my character.  It also allows me to better forgive myself and others who may not have loved me well.  

What remains is love.  It is the core of each of us and when it is well developed, its spread is unstoppable.  This week, as I continue to think about the lives that have paved the way before me and the saints who I feel called to celebrate, I will remember their examples of great love.  I hope to continue their loving.