Since issues on the border are dominating headlines, I want to share some of my experience in a border immersion trip I took with my church a few years back.
“I am your servant, O God. I live to do your will.”
Bring your whole self and open your whole self.
You live in a different world than everyone else and the same world as everyone else.
Struggle with the presence or absence of God.
“Mexico: so close to the United States but so far from God.”
Mexicans are the disposable people of the United States. They are not treated like other immigrant communities. After we welcome their workforce, we have pushed them out into the poverty of communities in Tijuana.
A story: San Diego police would go to a hotel in town and insist that the owner open its rooms and show people’s documents. They told the owner, “If you don’t, the next time you need us, we won’t come.” How is that good law enforcement?
Recently, a Puerto Rican was deported to Mexico because he didn’t have a passport. People are harassed because of how they look. Puerto Ricans are citizens!
Lest we get all upset that our stories are biased, the police department and Border Patrol will not send officers to speak at Centro Romero (the center we visited).
On the plus side, Police in San Ysidro are very quick on crime. It’s a safe place.
Each year, 85,000 to 90,000 victims of sexual trafficking come through Tijuana. Prostitution is illegal, but there is a Zone of Tolerance in the city. People pay $10,000 to $25,000 for young virgin girls. Girls are kidnapped or sold by their families. The U.S. is the second largest market for sexual trafficking. Germany is 1st.
I think to myself: Why did I get this life? There is no cosmic justice.
Your life is not good or bad because of anything deserved or undeserved. You can improve your life. You can hurt your life. You don’t control it any more than God.
God is what connects us. Not more or less. God will not make your life better or worse except to help you connect and feel connected to whatever world you live in an whichever people are surrounding you or your mind.
We watched a documentary called Maquilopolis which was about the factory workers, most of whom are women, in Tijuana. The factories pay them horrible wages, they work 6 12-hour days per week in poor conditions, and live in a shanty-town which is heavily polluted by the factories (against NAFTA policy). U.S. companies are supposed to dispose of waste outside of Mexico, but they simply dump it in the water supply.
NAFTA made it hard for Mexico to compete with the larger global sources of agriculture. Since Mexico was a primarily agricultural country, many of its citizens lost their jobs as a result of NAFTA. The Tratador de Guadalupe also led many legal workers to be pushed out of the US and displaced them in the border region of Mexico. This is a reason that the maquiladoras rose in the border region.
NAFTA violated the Mexican Constitution (mandated its change); the Mexican Constitution guaranteed land ownership to Mexicans. No foreigners could own land before NAFTA.
The Mexican government doesn’t care/likes illegal immigration in the US because it brings money back into Mexico.
Part of the problem is that after NAFTA did so much to destroy Mexico’s agricultural industry to the benefit of the US, Mexico and its government can’t offer its citizens work that can sustain their families. Most migrants want to be in Mexico, but they need to feed their families. Many Mexicans are here out of necessity.
There have been more deportations in the Obama administration than in the entirety of the Bush administration.
Someone asked, “What happened to Obama?” I think Obama wants to demonstrate compromise, but instead has been stomped on because the Republicans aren’t willing to compromise.
Wednesday, November 28, 2018
Tuesday, November 27, 2018
A Question for Discernment
"How does this fit in your movie?"
Think of your life as a film.
Is this thought diverging from the script? Does this line not fit the character? Sometimes when I am stuck in thoughts, this is a useful question.
When I can realize that a thought doesn't fit the larger picture, I can say "no" more easily.
Highlight the sections that need real emotional weight.
Think of your life as a film.
Is this thought diverging from the script? Does this line not fit the character? Sometimes when I am stuck in thoughts, this is a useful question.
When I can realize that a thought doesn't fit the larger picture, I can say "no" more easily.
Highlight the sections that need real emotional weight.
Monday, November 26, 2018
Peace
Today I am carrying 2 stones in my pockets. The peace “hearth stone” was part of a ritual in my morning class offered by Marie, one of my amazing Roman Catholic peers. The stone chose me (according to the ritual) and is a needed message for me about balance, center, and biting off more than I can chew. The other stone is one that I chose to pick up from a #tdor altar, “to help carry the burden of lives lost.” With everything going on in the world and in many of the circles I operate within and try to support, this time is heavy with grief and struggle. I find this contrast with a season of thanks and the coming of Advent to be infusive. May we all find a balance between grief and joy, saying “yes” and saying “no,” giving and receiving, works and grace. #prayer #ritual #tdor #translivesmatter (at Pacific School of Religion)
Saturday, November 24, 2018
Friday, November 23, 2018
Thanksgiving and the Feels of a Radical, Progressive, Vegetarian Minister
I'm just gonna post this because I think holidays are complicated. Yesterday was Thanksgiving. I wrote this yesterday, but chose to post it today, so as not to rain on everyone's parade.
I don't eat meat, so having an animal carcass in my refrigerator is honestly hard for me. It feels yucky and I feel like I need to be praying for that bird, who lived a tortured, short life, and is now shrink-wrapped and beheaded, waiting to be unceremoniously (or ceremoniously, but without much respect for the life of the bird) devoured by my family as we commemorate a lie that perpetuates a white supremacist imagining of American history and continues to ignore white complacency in racist genocide and the ongoing suffering of America's indigenous peoples.
Recognizing and celebrating gratitude is important, especially in a nation as privileged as the U.S. However, the premises of the holiday fly at odds with an honest telling of history and the spirit of the holiday itself. To celebrate gratitude for the abundance in our lives without acknowledging the lives slaughtered so we could call that abundance ours (speaking as a white American) is indicative of some of our greatest flaws as a nation.
In many ways, this holidays speaks to who we are, but I would argue that the lessons of gratitude are outweighed by a kind of scotosis that seems to dominate our national narratives. That may be the truest part of this celebration.
The Thanksgiving holiday is representative of our national scotosis more than it is representative of a nation that is truly grateful for its blessings or honest about how we come to those "blessings."
Am I grateful that I am well-fed and surrounded by family? Every effing day. Do I think holidays that bring us together and ask us to be grateful in a culture that values consumerism and expansion are good ideas? Of course. Do I think consumerism and expansion are problematically wound into the narrative of the holiday? Yes. Do I think it's harmful to re-tell an historical lie? Yes.
I think we need to find a better way to root ourselves in gratitude and family than to tell ourselves lies at the expense of the integrity and value of a massacred and continuously oppressed population.
And eating animals is gross and barbaric, IMHO. A holiday centered around eating an animal in a culture that eats far too many animals, to the detriment of our own health and the health of the planet, not to mention the integrity of animal life, is pretty nasty.
I don't want to go into my arguments for vegetarianism (you can search my tags to find them).
While this holiday is well-intentioned, I think it highlights some of our biggest problems as a nation. That we glorify these things and continue to celebrate a holiday that most of us know is built upon a damaging lie, says a lot about where we are in the unfolding of our nation and our moment in history.
I continue to believe in change. We can do better.
I don't eat meat, so having an animal carcass in my refrigerator is honestly hard for me. It feels yucky and I feel like I need to be praying for that bird, who lived a tortured, short life, and is now shrink-wrapped and beheaded, waiting to be unceremoniously (or ceremoniously, but without much respect for the life of the bird) devoured by my family as we commemorate a lie that perpetuates a white supremacist imagining of American history and continues to ignore white complacency in racist genocide and the ongoing suffering of America's indigenous peoples.
Recognizing and celebrating gratitude is important, especially in a nation as privileged as the U.S. However, the premises of the holiday fly at odds with an honest telling of history and the spirit of the holiday itself. To celebrate gratitude for the abundance in our lives without acknowledging the lives slaughtered so we could call that abundance ours (speaking as a white American) is indicative of some of our greatest flaws as a nation.
In many ways, this holidays speaks to who we are, but I would argue that the lessons of gratitude are outweighed by a kind of scotosis that seems to dominate our national narratives. That may be the truest part of this celebration.
The Thanksgiving holiday is representative of our national scotosis more than it is representative of a nation that is truly grateful for its blessings or honest about how we come to those "blessings."
Am I grateful that I am well-fed and surrounded by family? Every effing day. Do I think holidays that bring us together and ask us to be grateful in a culture that values consumerism and expansion are good ideas? Of course. Do I think consumerism and expansion are problematically wound into the narrative of the holiday? Yes. Do I think it's harmful to re-tell an historical lie? Yes.
I think we need to find a better way to root ourselves in gratitude and family than to tell ourselves lies at the expense of the integrity and value of a massacred and continuously oppressed population.
And eating animals is gross and barbaric, IMHO. A holiday centered around eating an animal in a culture that eats far too many animals, to the detriment of our own health and the health of the planet, not to mention the integrity of animal life, is pretty nasty.
I don't want to go into my arguments for vegetarianism (you can search my tags to find them).
While this holiday is well-intentioned, I think it highlights some of our biggest problems as a nation. That we glorify these things and continue to celebrate a holiday that most of us know is built upon a damaging lie, says a lot about where we are in the unfolding of our nation and our moment in history.
I continue to believe in change. We can do better.
Tuesday, November 20, 2018
Book Idea
Title: A Potty-Mouthed Young Minister Challenges the Church
Chapters:
- I Don't Want to Believe Impossible Things
- I Don't Want to Feel Dumb for Believing in Impossible Things
- I Love Jesus and God
- But Not THAT Jesus and God
- I Also Kind of Like Some Other Folks
- And Women! Women Are Smart and Spiritual, Too!
- In Fact, Everyone Is
- What Does it Mean to Be Protestant in Today's World? A Legacy of Challenging Church Narrative
- Go Forward: How to Bring Change and Build a Spiritual Life
Sunday, November 18, 2018
What is Religion?
What is religion?
I would say that religion is a system of beliefs and values one has that are related to a history and, most often, a community of others who hold similar beliefs and values derived from that shared history. I would argue that religion is one’s dominant paradigm, whether or not that paradigm can be categorized under the traditional understanding of “religion.” Therefore, political views, atheism, etc. can be considered religions. One’s religion is, more simply, whatever worldview most inspires one’s morality, values, beliefs, and practices. I don’t believe there is anyone who isn’t religiously devoted to something. It’s part of self-identity for most of us.
For me, religion isn’t something that helps me sleep better at night or provides me with some sense of comfort that people who die end up in some kind of Disneyland. My religion is a system which provides a holistic approach to bettering the world and my person. Derived from a history of people seeking to do good in the world (in its better moments), it’s a study of this history, a commitment to justice, and a lens with which to look inward at the kind of relationship I seek to have with myself, others, and the higher order of being. While religion provides me a sense of inner peace and orients my life in a way that enhances meaning, it doesn’t make me giddy.
I would say that religion is a system of beliefs and values one has that are related to a history and, most often, a community of others who hold similar beliefs and values derived from that shared history. I would argue that religion is one’s dominant paradigm, whether or not that paradigm can be categorized under the traditional understanding of “religion.” Therefore, political views, atheism, etc. can be considered religions. One’s religion is, more simply, whatever worldview most inspires one’s morality, values, beliefs, and practices. I don’t believe there is anyone who isn’t religiously devoted to something. It’s part of self-identity for most of us.
For me, religion isn’t something that helps me sleep better at night or provides me with some sense of comfort that people who die end up in some kind of Disneyland. My religion is a system which provides a holistic approach to bettering the world and my person. Derived from a history of people seeking to do good in the world (in its better moments), it’s a study of this history, a commitment to justice, and a lens with which to look inward at the kind of relationship I seek to have with myself, others, and the higher order of being. While religion provides me a sense of inner peace and orients my life in a way that enhances meaning, it doesn’t make me giddy.
Friday, November 9, 2018
Elizabeth Cox
She wanted to be one of those people who found a subject to pursue, then discover a sweet secret about themselves, finally seeing through the filter of what was learned. To take knowledge— facts, stories, equations, whatever it was— and learn to breathe under the water of that place. People who did this found out how alive they were.
Elizabeth Cox, The Ragged Way People Fall Out of Love
Elizabeth Cox, The Ragged Way People Fall Out of Love
Friday, November 2, 2018
Thursday, October 11, 2018
Birds and Mountains
I try to read daily as part of my spiritual practice. I have a handful of books that are good for small, daily portions that are good to sit with and think on.
So, I've done two of my readings for today. The first dealt with a certain idea: "God, make me a bird so I can fly away."
It's from Psalms, not Forrest Gump. FYI.
My second reading dealt with another idea: "God, make me a mountain."
These seem like opposite ideas. I like to look for synchronicity in life. I like to think God/the Universe is trying to tell me something when I come upon these moments. You might think, Girl, all you're doing is spiritualizing random coincidences.
Here's the truth: I don't care. Humans are unique in our ability to create and perceive meaning. If there's no God or no particular order to the universe, and no one's "talking to" me, then maybe I'm just creating weird stories to go along with my experience. If that's the truth, that's okay. If I'm just creating my own meaning, then that is beautiful, too. Whether or not we believe in God or spirit or any kind of grander, more-or-other-than-scientific realities, finding meaning and metaphors in our experience is still beautiful.
So, whether or not you share this view, I like to think moments of particular synchronicity or contrast mean something. So what does it mean to be a bird and a mountain?
I am someone who believes in balance. Few things in the world are inherently good or bad. Alcohol in excess is a bad idea. So is water. Or broccoli. Anything in excess is bad for us, even much of what we like to think is good for us. It's not good to be a bird all the time, right? Trying to escape all of our problems is probably not healthy, but there are certain circumstances that are quite important to escape. Or, even if our circumstance should be dealt with, it's okay to want to fly away. Bravery can be fighting that feeling. Bravery isn't an absence of fear-- that's just insanity. Bravery is acting despite our fear when we know there is a greater good to be achieved.
Sometimes life needs us to be a mountain, to be strong and unmovable. Other times, we need to be birds.
So today, am I being a bird or a mountain? And which should I be aspiring to?
So, I've done two of my readings for today. The first dealt with a certain idea: "God, make me a bird so I can fly away."
It's from Psalms, not Forrest Gump. FYI.
My second reading dealt with another idea: "God, make me a mountain."
These seem like opposite ideas. I like to look for synchronicity in life. I like to think God/the Universe is trying to tell me something when I come upon these moments. You might think, Girl, all you're doing is spiritualizing random coincidences.
Here's the truth: I don't care. Humans are unique in our ability to create and perceive meaning. If there's no God or no particular order to the universe, and no one's "talking to" me, then maybe I'm just creating weird stories to go along with my experience. If that's the truth, that's okay. If I'm just creating my own meaning, then that is beautiful, too. Whether or not we believe in God or spirit or any kind of grander, more-or-other-than-scientific realities, finding meaning and metaphors in our experience is still beautiful.
So, whether or not you share this view, I like to think moments of particular synchronicity or contrast mean something. So what does it mean to be a bird and a mountain?
I am someone who believes in balance. Few things in the world are inherently good or bad. Alcohol in excess is a bad idea. So is water. Or broccoli. Anything in excess is bad for us, even much of what we like to think is good for us. It's not good to be a bird all the time, right? Trying to escape all of our problems is probably not healthy, but there are certain circumstances that are quite important to escape. Or, even if our circumstance should be dealt with, it's okay to want to fly away. Bravery can be fighting that feeling. Bravery isn't an absence of fear-- that's just insanity. Bravery is acting despite our fear when we know there is a greater good to be achieved.
Sometimes life needs us to be a mountain, to be strong and unmovable. Other times, we need to be birds.
So today, am I being a bird or a mountain? And which should I be aspiring to?
Monday, October 8, 2018
Wednesday, October 3, 2018
Affirmations
Studies show that if you say something to yourself in the mirror every day, it can actually work.
Like the Superman pose. Standing like Superman can actually make you feel more confident and powerful.
This is the kind of thing that seems silly, but science supports it. So try it...
This month I'll be telling myself:
You are okay.
Like the Superman pose. Standing like Superman can actually make you feel more confident and powerful.
This is the kind of thing that seems silly, but science supports it. So try it...
This month I'll be telling myself:
You are okay.
Wednesday, September 26, 2018
God Thought 5
It's okay to say "no" to your thoughts.
My brain can be a minefield of damaged and damaging thoughts. While the better parts of me know that, it's hard not to get swept away in our thoughts and emotions. I think, therefore I am, right?
Now, when someone I love says something ignorant or wrong, I know how to hold my love for them and say, "nope" to whatever idea they have. I can change my TV channel and stop watching a dumb show.
And I can say "no" to my thoughts.
"Nope, not going down that spiral of self-hatred. I am not listening to that voice today."
If I can learn to speak out against things in the world, I can learn to speak out against myself when I need to.
Is this thought bringing me growth or trying to keep me small? Is this accomplishing making me a better person, or am I just beating myself up for things I wouldn't beat up anyone else?
My brain can be a minefield of damaged and damaging thoughts. While the better parts of me know that, it's hard not to get swept away in our thoughts and emotions. I think, therefore I am, right?
Now, when someone I love says something ignorant or wrong, I know how to hold my love for them and say, "nope" to whatever idea they have. I can change my TV channel and stop watching a dumb show.
And I can say "no" to my thoughts.
"Nope, not going down that spiral of self-hatred. I am not listening to that voice today."
If I can learn to speak out against things in the world, I can learn to speak out against myself when I need to.
Is this thought bringing me growth or trying to keep me small? Is this accomplishing making me a better person, or am I just beating myself up for things I wouldn't beat up anyone else?
Tuesday, September 25, 2018
A Thought That Changed A Lot
A little while ago, a thought occurred to me that changed some of my thinking. Perhaps it's simple and perhaps it's not something you need to hear, but here it is:
It's okay to say no to your thoughts.
When this came to me, it changed a lot for me. As an anxious, depressed person, I often feel captive to my thoughts. They can feel minimizing and paralyzing.
I'm trying to learn (and it's a process that requires consciously reminding myself, which I am not always able to do) that when I think thoughts that are self-hateful or rooted in fears that I realistically know are unmerited, I can decide they don't matter. Just like when someone says something I know is wrong or is misinformed, I can recognize that my thoughts are sometimes rooted in my illness or the unhealthy ways I've learned to navigate the world.
Like when I look in the mirror and my mind jumps to all of the criticisms of my physical appearance, I can say no to those thoughts because I know that my body weight is relatively stable and falls within a healthy range for someone my height. My signs of age are proof that I have survived everything I've survived. They're proof that I've spent 33 years improving myself and I have no desire to go back 15 years. My stretch marks are signs my body gave me that maybe I needed to be healthier, but they're also scars of eating disorders and depression. They're more proof of survival. They're also proof of my body's ability to adapt. My body is healthy. My body looks like my ancestors and people I love. My body has gotten me here. If I believe in progress or resurrection or guidance from God or wisdom -- or all of those things-- then I believe that all of what brings me to where I am is a journey ordained by the universe, particularized to my soul, so that I might learn more.
When I feel hate within myself, no matter where it's directed, I have to try to re-train myself to love. So when I think those self-hateful thoughts, I can say "nope," and choose to exit that internal conversation, just like I can choose to walk away from any jerk who disrespects me.
Not today, brain. Not today.
So here's today's truth: It's okay to say no to your thoughts.
What thoughts do you find it's healthy to say no to? Are there thoughts you find yourself lured into and losing control of?
It's okay to say no to your thoughts.
When this came to me, it changed a lot for me. As an anxious, depressed person, I often feel captive to my thoughts. They can feel minimizing and paralyzing.
I'm trying to learn (and it's a process that requires consciously reminding myself, which I am not always able to do) that when I think thoughts that are self-hateful or rooted in fears that I realistically know are unmerited, I can decide they don't matter. Just like when someone says something I know is wrong or is misinformed, I can recognize that my thoughts are sometimes rooted in my illness or the unhealthy ways I've learned to navigate the world.
Like when I look in the mirror and my mind jumps to all of the criticisms of my physical appearance, I can say no to those thoughts because I know that my body weight is relatively stable and falls within a healthy range for someone my height. My signs of age are proof that I have survived everything I've survived. They're proof that I've spent 33 years improving myself and I have no desire to go back 15 years. My stretch marks are signs my body gave me that maybe I needed to be healthier, but they're also scars of eating disorders and depression. They're more proof of survival. They're also proof of my body's ability to adapt. My body is healthy. My body looks like my ancestors and people I love. My body has gotten me here. If I believe in progress or resurrection or guidance from God or wisdom -- or all of those things-- then I believe that all of what brings me to where I am is a journey ordained by the universe, particularized to my soul, so that I might learn more.
When I feel hate within myself, no matter where it's directed, I have to try to re-train myself to love. So when I think those self-hateful thoughts, I can say "nope," and choose to exit that internal conversation, just like I can choose to walk away from any jerk who disrespects me.
Not today, brain. Not today.
So here's today's truth: It's okay to say no to your thoughts.
What thoughts do you find it's healthy to say no to? Are there thoughts you find yourself lured into and losing control of?
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