A little while ago, a thought occurred to me that changed some of my thinking. Perhaps it's simple and perhaps it's not something you need to hear, but here it is:
It's okay to say no to your thoughts.
When this came to me, it changed a lot for me. As an anxious, depressed person, I often feel captive to my thoughts. They can feel minimizing and paralyzing.
I'm trying to learn (and it's a process that requires consciously reminding myself, which I am not always able to do) that when I think thoughts that are self-hateful or rooted in fears that I realistically know are unmerited, I can decide they don't matter. Just like when someone says something I know is wrong or is misinformed, I can recognize that my thoughts are sometimes rooted in my illness or the unhealthy ways I've learned to navigate the world.
Like when I look in the mirror and my mind jumps to all of the criticisms of my physical appearance, I can say no to those thoughts because I know that my body weight is relatively stable and falls within a healthy range for someone my height. My signs of age are proof that I have survived everything I've survived. They're proof that I've spent 33 years improving myself and I have no desire to go back 15 years. My stretch marks are signs my body gave me that maybe I needed to be healthier, but they're also scars of eating disorders and depression. They're more proof of survival. They're also proof of my body's ability to adapt. My body is healthy. My body looks like my ancestors and people I love. My body has gotten me here. If I believe in progress or resurrection or guidance from God or wisdom -- or all of those things-- then I believe that all of what brings me to where I am is a journey ordained by the universe, particularized to my soul, so that I might learn more.
When I feel hate within myself, no matter where it's directed, I have to try to re-train myself to love. So when I think those self-hateful thoughts, I can say "nope," and choose to exit that internal conversation, just like I can choose to walk away from any jerk who disrespects me.
Not today, brain. Not today.
So here's today's truth: It's okay to say no to your thoughts.
What thoughts do you find it's healthy to say no to? Are there thoughts you find yourself lured into and losing control of?
No comments:
Post a Comment