Searching For God Knows What

“The truth is there are a million steps, and we don’t even know what the steps are, and worse, at any given moment we may not be willing or even able to take them; and still worse, they are different for you and me and they are always changing. I have come to believe the sooner we find this truth beautiful, the sooner we will fall in love with the God who keeps shaking things up, keeps changing the path, keeps rocking the boat to test our faith in Him, teaching us not to rely on easy answers, bullet points, magic mantras, or genies in lamps, but rather in His guidance, His existence, His mercy, and his love.”
–Don Miller, Searching for God Knows What

Pope Francis

"You see that the love [the Apostle] John speaks of is not the love of soap operas! No, it is something else. Christian love has a particular quality: concreteness. Christian love is concrete. Jesus Himself, when He speaks of love, speaks to us about concrete things: feeding the hungry, visiting the sick, and many concrete things. Love is concrete… .

"And when this concreteness is not there, you can live a Christianity of illusions, because you don’t understand where the centre of Jesus’ message is. This love does not arrive at concrete being: it is a love of illusions, like the illusions the disciples had when, looking at Jesus, they thought He was a ghost."

Pope Francis, from today’s homily (via qcq)

THIS. THIS RIGHT HERE. Your nice thoughts aren’t saving you any more than they are saving starving children. DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR LIFE. If you believe in God and Jesus’ ministry, then ACT LIKE IT. Jesus fed the hungry and healed the sick. Stop getting mad at gay people for being gay and act like your religion is more than a reason for your moral superiority. (via seekinguncertainty)

Hypocrisy

Christian hypocrisy

We are Christians. We love everyone. But it’s okay to bash:
liberals
conservatives
gays
non-Christians
the wealthy (but only when they are wealthier than us)
Mormons
Scientologists
evolutionists
the media
feminists
other countries


What was Jesus most frustrated with? The hypocrisy within his own religion. Who did Jesus eat dinner with? Sinners.

I’m a camel, too. May God help me to be thread.

Ethical Will

Yesterday I received back my ethical will, an assignment for my class on Judaism.

Writing an ethical was an interesting and meaningful exercise.  I cried writing it.  Nothing else I have written in seminary was as enjoyable or meaningful.

My professor said that he thought I have a future as a writer.  It made me feel good about myself.

That is all.

Anxiety

"Without freedom from anxiety man is so enmeshed in the vicious circle of egocentricity, so concerned about himself, that he cannot release himself for the adventure of love."

— Reinhold Niebuhr, The Nature and Destiny of Man, Vol. I (New York, Charles Scribner’s Sons, 1949).

Popular Christianity

I think that much of many people’s problem with God is that they’re expecting God to be what someone told them God would be. God turns you into a bird, so you can fly far, far away. God picks you up, kisses your owie, and gives you a band-aid with Batman on it. This is the way that most Christians try to represent God: “God fixes all your crap.” You pray, God responds… it all balances out. If God doesn’t send you the Playstation that you asked for for Christmas, well, you get one in Heaven and that’s why.

This is why I loathe modern Christian writers (for the most part): because they freaking sell God to us, like it says somewhere that God is going to save us all from bullies in school and make everything sunshine and cupcakes. Then come the apologetics (because none of us are rolling in sunshine and cupcakes): “You see,” says the Christian Marketing Department, “the bullies burn in a pit of fire and you get an eternity of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in Heaven. It all works out.”

The majority of Christian Churches are enormously damaging in many respects. Faith is a beautiful thing, but I don’t think that God should be expected to deal with anyone’s problems (nor do I think that God is responsible for anyone’s problems). The Bible is full of largely contradicting visions of God. Read Genesis and Joshua and John and Acts and Ecclesiastes and you’ll have a million different ideas and wonder why that stuff’s all in the same book. Humankind has endlessly been struggling to understand God, so for some Christians to be arrogant enough to sell God as if they can predict that God will save Joe Everyman’s family from poverty by magically assigning him a new job after his baptism is the most blasphemous BS to ever fly out of anyone’s mouth.

The Day Will Come

THE DAY WILL COME WHEN, AFTER HARNESSING THE WINDS, THE TIDES, AND GRAVITATION, WE SHALL HARNESS FOR GOD THE ENERGIES OF LOVE. AND ON THAT DAY FOR THE SECOND TIME IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD, MAN WILL HAVE DISCOVERED FIRE.

Teilhard de Chardin 

Possession and Temptation

One of the struggles of Bible study is coming to terms with the reality that we cannot and likely will not be able to really know what happened in many circumstances. The Bible speaks again and again of supernatural occurrences, many of which we can easily understand scientifically in today’s world. Most of the time, we can look at those passages and see that the point of the story is seldom the specifics of what happened as much as the “moral of the story.”

Much of today’s understanding of “belief” is fundamentally flawed. The Greek word translated as “belief” in English is not belief that, but belief in. Believing in Jesus’ ministry should not be centered around the specifics of what Jesus physically did. Whether we believe Jesus actually performed miracles is irrelevant to what his ministry was about. Jesus didn’t do great things to simply prove that he could in a petty effort to boost his or God’s ego (I should hope). In that sense, it doesn’t matter whether or not those acts are historically true, because belief in Jesus is not belief that he did those things, but belief in his ministry and his person. Each of Jesus’ acts can be seen as challenges to the ineffectual requirements of the religious institution or acts of radical compassion. Belief in Jesus is better understood as belief in what was behind his acts, not the acts themselves.

Whether or not we can perform miracles in today’s world, we can try to offer healing, compassion, and understanding.

Documentary Watched

Just finished watching “Hungry for Change.”  Good stuff.  Sounds like I need to buy some parsley and chia seeds and put them in my smoothies :)

In any case, it was worth my time and will hopefully lead to me making some healthier food choices and including more healthful foods in my diet.

God

"Christianity begins in contradictions, in the painful effort to live with the baffling plurality and diversity of God’s manifested life…"

— Rowan Williams

Hope and despair are braided together so tightly in the work of the gospel.  The good news is that people are full of love, resilience, and find within themselves a will to meet the needs of the world.  The bad news is that there is much work to be done to bring the Kingdom.

Children

Unlike much of our trip so far, the last couple of days have landed us near children.  Today we visited a school and got to see and speak to children (they learn English in the schools).  We saw them dance and sing ("We Shall Overcome") and play games and color and sing nursery rhymes.  It was lovely to see children and to see places where people are determined to create places for them to flourish.

For me, visiting the Jalazone Refugee camp spoke volumes.  As one of the community leaders walked us through the camp, he explained to us how some of the play areas had to be built over to accommodate the growth of their community within their limited space.  Since they have so little, when the children are not in school (they were still on break when we visited), there is nothing for them to do.  They hang around in the streets.  I felt like the Pied Piper-- we accumulated more and more children, trying to communicate with us in Arabic and taking pictures and commenting on how funny we looked (we are a diverse group and none of us are Middle Eastern).  I'm sure we were the talk of the town for a few days.

So much kindness.  So much humanity.

My heart bleeds for the whole situation-- for the crap governments on both sides and for how poorly represented the people are and how the extremism is a stain on perceptions of two beautiful faith traditions.  The extremist elements seem to rise to the top-- whoever said it's the cream that rises may want to re-think their analogy in an era of figures like these (and like Trump, for that matter).  Extremism begets extremism and when a people is oppressed, they will be more and more tempted by extremist resistance.

My thoughts are disorganized and I am sleep deprived.  It's been nearly 2 weeks since I have gotten a full night's rest and I started this trip by staying up for 27 hours straight.  My brain is tired, my body is tired, and my heart is tired.

Whatever religious or political identities we have, it should be clear that something is wrong here.  What is happening to the Palestinian people is wrong.  What the Israeli government is doing is wrong.  The implication that Jews are responsible is wrong.  The implication that Jews should be pro-Israel, when the government behaves this way, is wrong.  The implication that Christians need to think "this" about Muslims or "that" about Israel is wrong, as is the implication that Jews or Muslims should think "this" or "that" about Israel or Palestine or Muslims or Jews is wrong.

We should all be resisting suffering and the excuses we make for it.  Black lives matter.  Palestinian lives matter.  Refugee lives matter.  Undocumented lives matter.

Disproportionate and collective punishments cannot be defended.  Unequal application of laws cannot be excused.

We are all made from the same stuff of life; each of us is precious by virtue of our humanity.  Anything that denies the basic recognition  of our collective rights to life, liberty, and security must be recognized as inhumane.

This is a terrible post.  Oh well.  It is bedtime.

Wendell Berry

"There are no unsacred places. There are only sacred places and desecrated places."

— Wendell Berry (via jordantarwater)

(Source: damascus9.blogspot.com, via jordantarwater)

Sometimes it can be difficult to discern on which we stand.

MLK

"We are now faced with the fact that tomorrow is today. We are confronted with the fierce urgency of now. In this unfolding conundrum of life and history, there is such a thing as being too late. Procrastination is still the thief of time…. We may cry out desperately for time to pause in her passage, but time is deaf to every plea and rushes on. Over the bleached bones and jumbled residue of numerous civilizations are written the pathetic words: “Too late.” There is an invisible book of life that faithfully records our vigilance or our neglect…. We still have a choice today; nonviolent coexistence or violent co-annihilation.We must move past indecision to action…. Now let us begin. Now let us rededicate ourselves to the long and bitter—but beautiful—struggle for a new world."

— Martin Luther King Jr.
Source: Speech at Riverside Church (April 4 1967)

(Source: thisplacehasknownmagic)

This.

Razing of the Temple and My Spirit

My trip to the Holy Land is, in many ways, not just about me.  It's certainly about the people of the land, whose rights to the land matter and whose are upheld, who has access to what... but it's also about my ancestors.  I didn't know that until I got here, but it turns out it's the truth.

I had a particular experience at the Jordan River that I have not yet told anyone about or said aloud... and I'm not ready to announce it here, but I want to say that it brought to the forefront my ancestors, and in particular: my grandparents who have passed.  All 3 were very devout Christians and I see myself now as doing this for them, too-- making the pilgrimage that they were never able to.

We visited the Western Wall today.  For folks who don't know, the Western Wall is the remaining wall of the Jerusalem temple, which was destroyed in 72 AD.  It is all that is left of it.  

Before coming to the Middle East, I had expected some hostility.  I am, after all, a light-skinned American dripping with privilege and coming from a country which is not always viewed fondly by folks in other places.  Knowing my country's relationship with the political parties in the region as well as how our media treats the conflicts in the region, I expected hostility from Muslims and Palestinians (whether Muslim or not).  I expected Israelis to be more friendly.  After all, our government gives them money and we support Israel in a variety of ways.

What I have experienced is exactly the opposite of this expectation.  

During our time in Jordan and Nazareth, I felt warmly welcomed by everyone, whether they expected me or not and whether they were Christian or not.  Arabic hospitality is incredible.  This is likely because traveling through these lands in earlier times would have been quite a rough journey.  The people survived on each other's hospitality and it is foremost in their culture.  Driving around, people wave at you.  People greet you on the street and welcome you (we are pretty clearly not from the area).   They welcome you into their homes and try to feed you at every turn.  "Let me take this," "Let me get this."  I think what might exemplify this truth well is the beginning of our work with the Orthodox Initiative.  Wafa, the leader of the organization, greeted us upon our arrival and gave us some information before we were to leave to work with refugees.  Our scheduling has been tight and we were in a hurry.  "We have no more time for questions right now," she told us as folks scurried around to get things done, "but first we will have some coffee."  More important than anything else was that we felt welcomed. She also invited us to her home for drinks and snacks after our long day.

Peter, one of our leaders, suggested that this hospitality in spite of American politics is because Palestinians (who are well represented in Jordan and their perspective is well represented by non-Palestinians in Jordan) know what it is like to have a government that does not represent the truths of its people.  They understand that just because our government is not on their side does not necessarily mean that Americans are Zionists or anti-Muslim or anti-Arab.  

SO.  All this is to preface my experience in the Holy City.

We arrived in East Jerusalem last night and began our journey within its borders today.  After the Mount of Olives and its holy sites, we entered the Old City.  

As we entered the Jewish quarter, we found the military presence increase.  There were Israeli soldiers, all seemingly younger than me, carrying automatic weapons at every turn and in swarms.  To be an outsider in a militarized place felt vulnerable from the get-go, but I had high hopes and expectations for an experience touching the Western Wall-- the wall of Jesus' temple,
older than old,
felt by thousands upon thousands of pious religious folk from a variety of traditions.  

We entered.  

Men through one door,                                  women through another.  

We got to a place where we could see the wall.  It was divided--

a section for men;          

a section for women.

The men's section was larger, of course, even though there were far more women at the wall praying.  The women were crowded in, many waiting to get close enough to it.  The men could have spread their arms out a couple times over.

No one said welcome in this place.  The soldiers with guns looked at us like nothing (at best), but more often I felt that they looked at us like unwelcome invaders.  I distinctly felt that many of the Israelis had no interest in sharing this Holy City, to which many of our religious traditions hold claim, with anyone but their own kind.  It mattered not our reverence or irreverance, our silence or noisiness.

A woman stomped over to our group to tell one of my peers that she was not dressed appropriately.  The look on her face as she asked my friend to modify her appearance was one of disgust-- she publicly shamed her.  That-- publicly shaming-- was okay in the holy site.  Machine guns were okay in the holy site.  Relegating the women to a small portion of the wall was okay.  Disallowing women from the study room was okay.  Banning Muslims and Christians who lived in the area for generations from returning to it was okay.  My friend's church dress and blazer were not.

I wanted to touch the wall.  I wanted to touch the wall with the hand I wore my Grammie's ring on.  I wanted to feel the holiness seep through the stone into my hand.  I wanted to feel the spiritual weight of centuries of prayer.

I walked toward the women's entrance to the wall.  Two women sat at a table with head scarves for those who didn't have their own.  One of the women was the one who had shamed my peer.  I walked toward the table behind a different one of my peers.

"Are you Jewish?"  she asked. 

"No," she answered.  

"You don't need it," she said, motioning her hand as if she were shooing a fly.  I try to give people the benefit of the doubt.  Could she be suggesting she is not obligated?  Would she have asked her about her religious identity if she had lighter skin?  

The look on that woman's face.  Disgust.  She did not want her there.  That wall was not for us to share.  That temple which holds prominence in our scriptures, too, was not for us.  

The other woman who sat next to her offered a kind face.  "No, it's okay, take it."  She looked apologetic.

We took the scarves.  We only wanted to be respectful.

I put it on and walked toward the wall.  

Cold gazes.  

The wall was crowded, as I mentioned.  The women were squished in.  I sat in a chair and waited for a space.  Should I move toward the wall?  Was it okay?  I doubted it now.  They let us in, but they didn't let us in.  We were tolerated.  

A space opened up between two Israeli soldiers in uniform.  No, somewhere else.  The wall was so crowded.  Nothing else was opening.

Should I?  Could I?

I went over and stood between them.  My hand was shaking as I lifted it to touch the wall.  

Between the soldiers.  

I could.  Because I had American privilege.  

It was dirty.  A terrible feeling washed over me, so unlike the feeling of the Jordan River, the Garden of Gethsemane, and every other holy site we had seen.

I lowered myself to the ground.  I touched the wall again.  I wanted it to speak to me.  I wanted to feel something.  Something wonderful, but all I felt was a wave of...
of... 

It was dirty.  It was desecrated.

I held my hand on the wall, wanting something to feel sacred-- not fearful, not yucky, not terrible. 

A bird shit on my hand.

What is going on?  Was it Wendell Berry that said there are no unsacred places, only sacred places and desecrated places?  

Prayer.  Prayer.  Prayer.

I backed away from the wall.  

Slowly.  

Faster.  

Quickly.  

More quickly.  

The tears were rolling down my checks.  Get me out of here.  This is not right.

I came back to the table and removed my scarf.  The woman who had been kind and told us to take the scarves sat there.  As I put it back in the box, I looked her in the eyes and with my kindest smile, I said: "Thank you."  Thank you for your kindness.  Thank you for treating me like a person.   She smiled back at me and nodded.

I walked back toward the group.

More tears.  All the tears.  

What is going on in this place?

We Should Ask

"Christian communities are healthy not when they are worrying about their health, but when they are trying to do what they are here for. Some of the central things may only be accomplished, as it were, indirectly: “Lord,” say the sheep, “when was it that we saw you hungry and fed you?”"

— Wayne A. Meeks, from The Origins of Christian Morality: The First Two Centuries